Hello, my dear readers. How was your week?
Almost a year ago, I got my heart broken. Yes, you read it right. I spent like almost 2 hours a day crying and asking Jesus why. I have tons of unanswered questions in my head. But today, I finally had the courage to share this letter with you, my dear readers.
“I DESERVE BETTER THAT’S WHY I AM LETTING YOU GO”
These past days, I’ve been struggling and crying almost every night, you are in my dreams. Sometimes, I wake up in the middle of the night sobbing, with tears endlessly flowing in my cheeks. This feeling haunted me for days. I feel like a little worthless creature who jumped off on a cliff not knowing where to go, without a rope to hold on to, helpless and hopeless and a creature who resulted into jumping on a cliff to feel better.
I will be honest with you. Loving you (I still don’t know if this feeling should be labeled as love, infatuation or simply just an attachment.) was like falling in a cliff without a parachute. You made me feel the best, valued and in just one snap, that emotion shifted to the feeling of less valued, worthless and replaced. I am now falling on a cliff. You know what’s worse? I don’t have a parachute. I will just fall. No one to catch or lift me, alone in the middle of nowhere. I want this feeling to end. I want my love for you to end. Because of you, I am now questioning my self worth, having self doubts and you made me feel that I don’t deserve love or best things.
THANK YOU for this feeling. This feeling made me realize that I don’t truly love myself, how vulnerable my heart was,how weak I am. You made me Hold on to God, really reaaaally hard. Thank you for breaking my heart, kahit hindi mo alam. It was really a blessing in disguise.
For now, I will fix myself. Not for you to notice me but because I love myself, and this kind of love should be strong, unconditional and special.
You are my first heartbreak, and God planned this for me. For now, I am letting you Go because I value myself more than you.
If maybe, just maybe when the time is right, I’ll rewrite our story.
Thinking about it, I was not yet ready for that kind of love. I have lots of insecurities, fears, worries and doubts that I have to deal with. One year after, I discovered a lot about myself, my art, my passion and my dreams.
Yes, I am writing this a year after my heartbreak with a smile.
Because I am worthy. I am chosen. I am loved.
I am God’s Princess, a warrior Princess.
Friend, you are worthy of his love. You deserve the best kind of love. Trust and have faith in him.