No More Lies

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There’s something about the rain that makes me smile. I don’t know if it’s the wind, the sound of the raindrops, or the memories. While everyone else hates the rain, I love it.  It’s like a trickle to my lonely soul.

I am writing this and yes, it is raining outside. Stay safe and dry, my dear readers.

One part of me dies every day. The other part just wants to give up and cry. The sunny, vibrant days turned to lifeless, lonely mornings. The warm gush of the wind that was filled with love, switched to a breeze that hurts and tears your whole body. Maybe, this is how love really feels. It is painful. A kind of pain that you would feel even you’re asleep, a kind of pain that you remember in your happiest moments, a kind of pain that never fades. There would be days that I wish I could just tell people how painful it is, or I have the enough words and vocabulary to express it, or just cry, but I doubt my tears can explain how it destroys my whole body. I wish this was just heartbreak over a guy, a low grade or sad day for me.

I don’t want to end this hope or a happy realization. I want this story to remain this way. I want this to be honest. I want to stop pretending that I am really fine. I am tired of lying everyday by telling everyone I am okay. I hope this battle will end soon, because I don’t know how to wake up every morning when it feels like I’m losing everything.

My battle is different. It is a silent war in my head that would never end. A war that bring wounds that would never heal, a war that destroys your heart and leave it with battle scars that would never be seen.

My war is invisible, no one sees it, no one feels it. But I know, someone up there sees my pain and tears, his name is Jesus.

Maybe, I would not have the answers right now, but I believe in his plans.

Maybe, It feels like I am losing everything, but sometimes we only see the important things when we lose everything we have.

Maybe, tomorrow, he will end this rain with a beautiful rainbow because he is GOD. My king, my savior, my everything.

I can hear him saying, “Lala, I got this.”

Friends, if you know someone who’s having a tough time right now, just try to reach out, you may not know it, but you can make their heart really happy. Give them a hug. Write them letters. Pray for them. 🙂

 

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A love letter

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muffs

 

To my one true love,

I am now baking my favorite muffin; I created it with the right measurements, high quality raw ingredients and most importantly, LOVE.  I’m currently thinking of you right now. I wonder if you love eating cookies or cupcakes, I wonder if you like your coffee black or with cream, I wonder if you’re also thinking about me right now. But, I think that’s our season, to wonder, to explore, and to be the best person for each other. In five minutes, I have to remove the muffins from the oven, because it will be baked perfectly, just like I wanted it to be.  Remember, good things to those who wait. In order to achieve the right texture and taste, you have to wait, wait for the right time.

I will wait for the right time, love. When that day comes, I will be able to add sprinkles to our lives.

 It will be sweeter and colorful, just like how I’ve always wanted it to be.

Lots of Love,
Lala

Tomorrow

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walk

 

 

The grass grew an inch thicker, the clouds started to move in the blue, beautiful sky, birds chirping and flying in all of the trees, flying with the rhythm, soaring with freedom and flowers started to bloom and leaves swayed with the music of the wind. It was a beautiful day, indeed. A great day to start new beginning and create beautiful endings.

Then, I saw a little girl walking. She was wearing a white, plain top matched with her black pants. Her eyes were blank, trying not to show any sign of emotion. She stopped walking and stood in front of a black, beautiful coffin. The little girl stared at the coffin, still with her eyes blank and tired, as she to held her hand- because no one will hold her hand and tell her that everything will be fine. She stood still with the force left in her tiny body because she knows that she needs to be strong, because no one will do that for her. The only thing she has is herself and her heart. No one will hug her and assure her that it will be okay, no one will hold and squeeze her hand when she feels anxious and sad and no one will wipe her tears away. I still wonder what she did to deserve all of these. Her heart was filled with so much love that it overflows, she became the sunshine and rainbow of other people, she brought smiles and happy memories to the world, she loved unconditionally and shared wonderful stories but I guess some people are destined to be left alone.

But she was a brave little girl. She has the power to turn storms to beautiful rainbows, words to wonderful stories, and tears to smiles. She was a fighter and a warrior from the beginning. She stopped walking with her hand in her chest. She looked up and closed her eyes, took a deep breath. As she exhaled, she started to walk again. This time, with a smile on her face hoping that tomorrow, the world would be more beautiful, because tomorrow is another day. Tomorrow is a new day to start loving again, to smile, to hear the music of the wind, to continue living, to keep the fire in her heart burning and to keep dreaming.

Maybe, tomorrow, someone will hold her hand and tell her that everything will be just fine. 

Maybe, tomorrow, someone will wipe her tears away. 

Maybe, tomorrow, she will not be alone anymore.

Maybe, tomorrow, she will know herself enough to know that she doesn’t need anybody, she is strong, she is beautiful. 

Photo credit: http://il9.picdn.net/shutterstock/videos/10185533/thumb/9.jpg?i10c=img.resize(height:160)

Black Dress

 

 

black-dressI saw a little girl walking in the field, grass turning green and butterflies flying everywhere.The leaves swayed with the music of the wind, the warm sunlight streamed and touched her red cheeks.

The little girl was wearing a black dress made with silk. She beautifully fixed the pleats of her dress with poise. She used to be a little girl full of big dreams. Her heart was filled with love that it overflows, and used to be the rainbow after the storm. But that day, it was different. The sunlight she brought to the lives of other people turned to a destructive storm, the glow that radiated in her body turned to a light that hurts your eyes and your whole body. She wasn’t the same, little happy girl anymore. The storm and rain destroyed her. She stopped wearing the best accessory she can ever have, her beautiful smile. she forgot about the rainbows, sunshine and beautiful endings. She felt that life took the beautiful things away from her. From that moment, she promised herself to wear black everyday.

Nights passed and sun started to shine again. The little girl walked in the same field, still in her black dress. It was a beautiful day, as always. The clouds moved with the rhythm and the birds chirping was like music to the ears, the flowers started to bloom again. She noticed the sunlight that streamed to her black dress made with silk. when the light reached her dress, it shined. She looked up and saw the clouds, the birds flying with the wind and felt the gush of wind in her delicate skin. She saw the sunlight stream through her eyes and touched her cheeks. She exhaled and continued to walk, wearing the best accessory, her beautiful smile.

The little girl realized that even if she chose to wear black, the universe,the world still made her shine. She shined in her darkest moments, She shined because she was designed to shine and to be beautiful in pain.

Maybe, the little girl won’t wear bright colored dresses again.

Maybe, the little girl won’t remember the rainbows.

Maybe, the little girl accepted that some things changed, but this doesn’t mean she is less beautiful.

Maybe, the little girl chooses to start a new story with her heart braver than ever.

 

Photo Credit: https://s-media-cache ak0.pinimg.com/236x/ec/56/e6/ec56e6443b984f9873deb025bc6981cb.jpg

A letter to my future love

I promise to hold your hand when you feel anxious, scared or sad. I will be the sunshine that will give you light and hope to your sad days. You will be my rainbow, my moonlight, my star. I promise to provide and give you a beautiful home, to create a home with a strong foundation and fill it with love and hope. I promise to give you tight hugs, to take care and love you all the days of my life. My love, you don’t know how much I prayed and wished for this day to come, finally starting at your eyes that shines like a star during night time, that finally I have someone’s hand to hold, finally have shoulders to cry on and someone to call my “one true love” because love, you are God’s gift to me. I can imagine closing my eyes, lifting my hand and worshiping Jesus with the man I love, to have a man who loves God more than he loves me- that was just a dream before, but now that dream turned to reality.

Thank you for giving me the kind of love I deserve, the kind of love God always wanted me to feel and have.

To be honest, loving me will be a long and hard journey, you will experience sad and happy days, but one thing is for sure, I love you and I will always love you.

I am excited to hear your beautiful stories, to know your kind of art, to learn your music, to travel and explore things with you.  But for now, I’m just nineteen and I think I’m not yet ready to meet or have you in my life. I’m still a work in progress, discovering my gifts, exploring things on my own, doing my craft- being the best person for you and for Jesus.

I want you to know that I am always praying to Jesus that he will guide you and help you with your decisions, that he would heal your wounds, that he would wipe your tears. I hope you are living your life to the fullest. Please always remember that I am praying for you.

I can’t wait to be a big part of your life.

Lots of Love,
Lala

Rain, rain don’t go away

Hello Everyone! It’s been almost 100 years since my last blog post, (I’m sorry because you know, school stuff.) I just want to share my masterpiece for this week, especially made for our HUGOurmeT event this Saturday, October 22. I’m not good in writing using Filipino language,buuuut I tried my best to come up with this work.

I would like to thank the rain and the gloomy weather for helping me write this. Ha ha! I still feel weird because I love the rain so much, as much as I love the sun. There’s no in between. Okay. Ang daldal ko nanaman.

Hope you guys like it!

 

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Essentials

Hello Everyone! It’s been almost 10 years since my last blog post. Ha ha! I’ve been busy with family responsibilities, school works, thesis, catering functions, short film projects etc. sounds stressful right? I know that college life can be really stressful (especially if you want to balance social life and academics. Believe me, it’s hard) so I’ve decided to write this article to help you guys organize your schedule, activities, files, bag and your life! Enjoy!

1. Keep a small notebook for your to-do list.

3 weeks ago, I bought a cute little notebook from papemelroti for my “to-do list.” This helped me track my progress in doing school works and it’s so cute that I can carry it everywhere I go. Ever since I started listing down my school to do list, I finished everything on time. I also have the feeling of fulfillment whenever I put a checkmark in the litol boxes. I encourage you to buy or look for a handy, small notebook that you can put in your purse or tote bag.

I chose this notebook so that I will be reminded to “Do all things with love.” I believe that love makes everything beautiful and wonderful. Do I sound cheesy weezy already?

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Small Colored Notebook, Php. 28.00, Papemelroti

2. Have a pouch for your phone accessories.

I find this useful! I know the struggle of having a big bag and not being able to look for your phone (especially when you badly need it. Yikes!) And that inspired me to buy a pouch for my phone’s needs. I’ll tell you a secret, I hate seeing charging cables and earphones cluttered in my bag. It just annoys me. So I found the perfect pretty pouch that can fit my charging cable, power bank, earphones and my phone! Say goodbye to “where-is-my-phone haggard look”!

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Pink Envelope Pouch, H&M

3. Buy your makeup/kikay bag.

I know it sounds maarte, but if you have your everyday make up needs. YOU SHOULD HAVE THIS. I REPEAT. YOU SHOULD. I am not a fan of make up but I always bring my cleanser, moisturizer, lip balm, hand lotion, wipes etc, and it just eats up too much space in my bag, and it looks… la la la la. When this pouch was given to me, it saved my bag from future la la la moments. (Thanks Rachey for this pouch!) The advantage of having this pouch is you can bring with you in washroom breaks, touch up moments and it makes your life easier because you can easily find it in your bag. No more kalkal moments, Yay!

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Small Pastel Pouch, Typo

4. Track your expenses.

Remember the moment when you ran out of cash because of overspending? When you wanted to hang out with your friends but you don’t have enough money? Been there, done that. Love, trust me. I know how it feels. And that became my motivation to keep a list of my expenses. At first, it was hard because I have to list the teeny bit gastos I make. At least I don’t have to deal with “Where did all my money went?” drama. It also inspired me to cut down my expenses because I can see where I spend my allowance, and sad to say I usually spend it for wants more than needs. I suggest that you keep a cute notebook or just put in your note app, then add them up at the end of the week. Sometimes, my total expense would be higher than my allowance. Sounds weird, right?

5. Don’t forget to smile

Because when things don’t go as planned or organized, you just have to smile! (That includes when you have an unpredictable schedule, messy files and bag!)

So guys, hope this helped you a lot! Enjoy school!

Lots of Love,
Lala

Girl in the Mirror

It is 6:30 am, I am preparing for a busy school day. I am standing in front of my mirror, looking at my reflection. I’ve always thought that I am not that beautiful, because I am chubby, “nognog” and I have a frizzy, curly hair. Growing up, I was always teased because of my height and my weight and these events in my life inspired me to write this article,because I believe that no girl should feel less or “not that beautiful enough”.

A beautiful soul is more valuable than a beautiful face

The entire universe is telling you that you are beautiful. But here you are, standing in front of the mirror, anxiously looking at your reflection, eyes full of worries and doubts.

“Will I fit in?”
“Am I good enough?”

Scared and nervous, you caught yourself looking back at this person trying its best to smile. You closed your eyes and heard the little voices at the back of your mind saying that the plain-looking you is never good enough. Eyes red and heart beating faster, you tried to wipe away the tears that swelled up but they kept falling endlessly.

As you opened your eyes, you saw a lady in the mirror. You looked closer and saw her scars, wounds and puffy eyes. Again, you gave that lady an awkward smile. Every time you look at each other, you see a fat, short, poignant lady. But behind those scars is a brave heart who choose to live through life even though her world is falling apart. Her wounds may sometimes bring pain, but she choose to ignore and create delightful stories. Her sad puffy eyes choose to see love and beauty in every person she meets and constantly believes that the world is still a pleasant place. Yes, to you she may be fat, rest assured inside is also a big heart that has the capacity to give away as much love to other people. Yes, for you she may be short, but it doesn’t mean she is anything less. Yes, she is imperfect, but like everybody else, she can be amazing.
As these thoughts fill your head, you smiled. This time your smile was genuine because inside you felt beautiful. You are God’s artwork and He designed you to be perfectly imperfect! Slowly, your feelings began to change. You started to feel the warm sunlight streaming through the glass window that touched your skin, you noticed the curtains swaying, you felt the gush of wind that blew through the half opened door. The girl in the mirror spoke with a definitive voice, “Hey, Beautiful Soul! And you are happy because that girl in the mirror is you, no longer wishing and trying to be anyone else

 

Photo Credit: www.reflectionsfromme.com

I’M SO FLUFFY (Vanilla Cupcake Recipe)

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Last month, I had my Tesda NC II Bread and Pastry Production Assessment. We used this recipe and it turned out delicious and fluffy. We had limited of ingredients so we have to work with what we have. This is one of the easiest and most affordable recipe I ever tried. This is perfect for afternoon tea party or “pambaon” for school. Enjoy!

2 cups flour
1/2 tsp salt
2 tsp baking powder
1/2 cup butter
2 cups white sugar
2 eggs
3/4 cup milk
1 tsp vanilla
1. Preheat the oven to 150c and line muffin trays with papers.
2. Cream butter until fluffy and gradually add the sugar. Beat in eggs one at time.
3. Add the dry ingredients alternately with milk.
4. Stir in Vanilla.
5. Bake for 10-15 minutes.

Yield 12 cupcakes.

**Vanilla Cupcake photo not mine.

 

 

I will be your Rainbow

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I love writing endings. It is my favorite part in writing my articles because it is unpredictable and beautiful ( I don’t mind if it would turn out to be a happy or sad ending) I just love it. But lately my mom got sick and we are staying in the hospital for a month now. For a month, all of my articles were hanging- no ending or conclusion. Yesterday, I attended Feast Greenhills and talked to my favorite people in the whole universe and I felt God’s love through them..and finally after a month of waiting, I was able to continue my unfinished articles.

I felt the subtle wind that gushed through my delicate skin. Raindrops are reaching the ground with a sound that makes your soul to feel doleful. I dropped my umbrella and started to walk in this veranda, filled with potted plants and beautifully landscaped garden. I could feel every drop of the rain that touched my skin, cheeks started to freeze because of the strong wind that is stronger than my soul. Raindrops dropped faster with the roar of the thunder. The cumulonimbus clouds started to release more rain.

I continued to walk, slowly, looking at the dark clouds. My brain is filled with doubts and unanswered questions. I felt that the heavens are crying with me, with every drop of the rain, with every gush of the cold, freezing wind is like a trickle to my lonely soul. My heart is beating like the roar of the thunder- angry and loud. The only light I see now is the thin but strong zigzag line from the lightning. Maybe, this my destiny, I said with my eyes, half filled with tears. But my heart insists with my brain that this is not the life I wished for, not the kind of life I prayed for. I used to be everyone’s light, shining star in the night filled with sadness, warm sunshine that touches your cheeks. But the warm sunshine faded and the bright sky shifted to a gloomy, puffy, dark clouds. I turned into a storm- destructive, gloomy and cold weather. I cry like the endless rain. I opened my black umbrella with the force left in my body, and said, “I need to embrace this storm, but this storm should stop, this has to end” with my lips started smiling, while uttering these words. Maybe, I will not be like the sunshine or the stars again. No more shining stars and warm rays of the sun, because I choose to be a rainbow. I will be the beautiful thing after the storm. Because more than the shining stars, and the warm sun, I will be a colorful and beautiful rainbow that shines more than the stars, warmer than the rays of the sun. I will end this storm with a rainbow, because I choose to be the hope and a storyteller of wonderful and beautiful endings.

I am not your sunshine, your star or storm. I am so much more than that.