There’s something about the rain that makes me smile. I don’t know if it’s the wind, the sound of the raindrops, or the memories. While everyone else hates the rain, I love it. It’s like a trickle to my lonely soul.
I am writing this and yes, it is raining outside. Stay safe and dry, my dear readers.
One part of me dies every day. The other part just wants to give up and cry. The sunny, vibrant days turned to lifeless, lonely mornings. The warm gush of the wind that was filled with love, switched to a breeze that hurts and tears your whole body. Maybe, this is how love really feels. It is painful. A kind of pain that you would feel even you’re asleep, a kind of pain that you remember in your happiest moments, a kind of pain that never fades. There would be days that I wish I could just tell people how painful it is, or I have the enough words and vocabulary to express it, or just cry, but I doubt my tears can explain how it destroys my whole body. I wish this was just heartbreak over a guy, a low grade or sad day for me.
I don’t want to end this hope or a happy realization. I want this story to remain this way. I want this to be honest. I want to stop pretending that I am really fine. I am tired of lying everyday by telling everyone I am okay. I hope this battle will end soon, because I don’t know how to wake up every morning when it feels like I’m losing everything.
My battle is different. It is a silent war in my head that would never end. A war that bring wounds that would never heal, a war that destroys your heart and leave it with battle scars that would never be seen.
My war is invisible, no one sees it, no one feels it. But I know, someone up there sees my pain and tears, his name is Jesus.
Maybe, I would not have the answers right now, but I believe in his plans.
Maybe, It feels like I am losing everything, but sometimes we only see the important things when we lose everything we have.
Maybe, tomorrow, he will end this rain with a beautiful rainbow because he is GOD. My king, my savior, my everything.
I can hear him saying, “Lala, I got this.”
Friends, if you know someone who’s having a tough time right now, just try to reach out, you may not know it, but you can make their heart really happy. Give them a hug. Write them letters. Pray for them. 🙂