Welcome to the real world, Little Lala!

I started my internship one month ago and honestly I’m having a hard time adjusting. I chose a world that I never imagined myself fit into it. I was happy with my “old” word, reading books, doing my craft, creating my music and doing my art with minimal rules to follow. But hey, I’m Lala. I have a brave heart. I just don’t stay in my comfort zone, I can do a lot more.

Yes, here I am, typing from my office computer and wandering about what will happen to me after graduation.

I would compare myself to a jigsaw puzzle piece trying to fit in a different picture.

Four years ago, my future was very clear. I’ll study hard, get good grades, show people that I can get out of my comfort zone and be independent and that I could live on my own.

Somehow, I feel pressured. Almost everyone is telling me that I am lucky because at a young age, I’ve already figured out what I wanted to do with my life.

“After college graduation, I’ll enroll in Culinary School and build my own cafe.”

It was simple as that.

But now, two months away from my graduation date, I don’t know what I want anymore, and someone told me that this is normal, this is just a phase.

I want to write and publish my own book, but also I need to look for a stable job to save up for culinary school and for my needs. (Adulting feels)

Maybe, I’ll figure it out soon, or maybe, I should stop over thinking about my future.

 

 

 

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January Favorites!

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School and Practicum has started last month so I’ve gathered some of favorite things that I used and read last January. To be honest, I am so in love with journals lately; I think I have like almost twenty journals in my study table (Yes, I still stare at them because it is so puhretty like that), also I found a perfect place where I can do my thing -paint,read, write and think about life. Yes, life.

January is a month filled with lots of list making, eating, sleeping (for me) and working slash adulting so I thought of compiling all of things I love in a blog post.

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I compiled my favorite things from the month including a beautifully written book from my favorite author, Ms. Marjorie Duterte. The last fictional character I felt “kilig”  was Augustus Waters in The Fault in our Starts but but but Ms. Marjorie’s book is really, really beautiful.  It brought back the love and excitement in my heart that died months ago. I fell in love with Hiro, his music and the way he stares and write letters to Michelle.

 

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My usual journal craft kit that I bring to school or everywhere I go, because one planner and pen is not enough to doodle everything that’s in my crazy and mixed up mind. To add a touch of magic, I added some stickers, colors, cut outs, old bus and movie tickets in my journal and planner, ’cause  there are stories I can’t write or sketch.

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Starr’s Milkshake. Do I need to explain? One word. HEAVEN.

 

Hope you had a beautiful day, my dear readers. Happy Weekend!

 

Lots of Love,
Lala

 

 

 

To the guy who broke my heart

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 Hello, my dear readers. How was your week?

Almost a year ago, I got my heart broken. Yes, you read it right. I spent like almost 2 hours a day crying and asking Jesus why. I have tons of unanswered questions in my head. But today, I finally had the courage to share this letter with you, my dear readers.

“I DESERVE BETTER THAT’S WHY I AM LETTING YOU GO”

These past days, I’ve been struggling and crying almost every night, you are in my dreams. Sometimes, I wake up in the middle of the night sobbing, with tears endlessly flowing in my cheeks. This feeling haunted me for days. I feel like a little worthless creature who jumped off on a cliff not knowing where to go, without a rope to hold on to, helpless and hopeless and a creature who resulted into jumping on a cliff to feel better.

I will be honest with you. Loving you (I still don’t know if this feeling should be labeled as love, infatuation or simply just an attachment.) was like falling in a cliff without a parachute. You made me feel the best, valued and in just one snap, that emotion shifted to the feeling of less valued, worthless and replaced. I am now falling on a cliff. You know what’s worse? I don’t have a parachute. I will just fall. No one to catch or lift me, alone in the middle of nowhere. I want this feeling to end. I want my love for you to end. Because of you, I am now questioning my self worth, having self doubts and you made me feel that I don’t deserve love or best things.

THANK YOU for this feeling. This feeling made me realize that I don’t truly love myself, how vulnerable my heart was,how weak I am. You made me Hold on to God, really reaaaally hard. Thank you for breaking my heart, kahit hindi mo alam. It was really a blessing in disguise.

For now, I will fix myself. Not for you to notice me but because I love myself, and this kind of love should be strong, unconditional and special.

You are my first heartbreak, and God planned this for me. For now, I am letting you Go because I value myself more than you.

If maybe, just maybe when the time is right, I’ll rewrite our story.

Thinking about it, I was not yet ready for that kind of love. I have lots of insecurities, fears, worries and doubts that I have to deal with. One year after, I discovered a lot about myself, my art, my passion and my dreams.

Yes, I am writing this a year after my heartbreak with a smile.

Because I am worthy. I am chosen. I am loved. 

I am God’s Princess, a warrior Princess.

Friend, you are worthy of his love. You deserve the best kind of love. Trust and have faith in him. 

No More Lies

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There’s something about the rain that makes me smile. I don’t know if it’s the wind, the sound of the raindrops, or the memories. While everyone else hates the rain, I love it.  It’s like a trickle to my lonely soul.

I am writing this and yes, it is raining outside. Stay safe and dry, my dear readers.

One part of me dies every day. The other part just wants to give up and cry. The sunny, vibrant days turned to lifeless, lonely mornings. The warm gush of the wind that was filled with love, switched to a breeze that hurts and tears your whole body. Maybe, this is how love really feels. It is painful. A kind of pain that you would feel even you’re asleep, a kind of pain that you remember in your happiest moments, a kind of pain that never fades. There would be days that I wish I could just tell people how painful it is, or I have the enough words and vocabulary to express it, or just cry, but I doubt my tears can explain how it destroys my whole body. I wish this was just heartbreak over a guy, a low grade or sad day for me.

I don’t want to end this hope or a happy realization. I want this story to remain this way. I want this to be honest. I want to stop pretending that I am really fine. I am tired of lying everyday by telling everyone I am okay. I hope this battle will end soon, because I don’t know how to wake up every morning when it feels like I’m losing everything.

My battle is different. It is a silent war in my head that would never end. A war that bring wounds that would never heal, a war that destroys your heart and leave it with battle scars that would never be seen.

My war is invisible, no one sees it, no one feels it. But I know, someone up there sees my pain and tears, his name is Jesus.

Maybe, I would not have the answers right now, but I believe in his plans.

Maybe, It feels like I am losing everything, but sometimes we only see the important things when we lose everything we have.

Maybe, tomorrow, he will end this rain with a beautiful rainbow because he is GOD. My king, my savior, my everything.

I can hear him saying, “Lala, I got this.”

Friends, if you know someone who’s having a tough time right now, just try to reach out, you may not know it, but you can make their heart really happy. Give them a hug. Write them letters. Pray for them. 🙂

 

A love letter

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muffs

 

To my one true love,

I am now baking my favorite muffin; I created it with the right measurements, high quality raw ingredients and most importantly, LOVE.  I’m currently thinking of you right now. I wonder if you love eating cookies or cupcakes, I wonder if you like your coffee black or with cream, I wonder if you’re also thinking about me right now. But, I think that’s our season, to wonder, to explore, and to be the best person for each other. In five minutes, I have to remove the muffins from the oven, because it will be baked perfectly, just like I wanted it to be.  Remember, good things to those who wait. In order to achieve the right texture and taste, you have to wait, wait for the right time.

I will wait for the right time, love. When that day comes, I will be able to add sprinkles to our lives.

 It will be sweeter and colorful, just like how I’ve always wanted it to be.

Lots of Love,
Lala

Tomorrow

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walk

 

 

The grass grew an inch thicker, the clouds started to move in the blue, beautiful sky, birds chirping and flying in all of the trees, flying with the rhythm, soaring with freedom and flowers started to bloom and leaves swayed with the music of the wind. It was a beautiful day, indeed. A great day to start new beginning and create beautiful endings.

Then, I saw a little girl walking. She was wearing a white, plain top matched with her black pants. Her eyes were blank, trying not to show any sign of emotion. She stopped walking and stood in front of a black, beautiful coffin. The little girl stared at the coffin, still with her eyes blank and tired, as she to held her hand- because no one will hold her hand and tell her that everything will be fine. She stood still with the force left in her tiny body because she knows that she needs to be strong, because no one will do that for her. The only thing she has is herself and her heart. No one will hug her and assure her that it will be okay, no one will hold and squeeze her hand when she feels anxious and sad and no one will wipe her tears away. I still wonder what she did to deserve all of these. Her heart was filled with so much love that it overflows, she became the sunshine and rainbow of other people, she brought smiles and happy memories to the world, she loved unconditionally and shared wonderful stories but I guess some people are destined to be left alone.

But she was a brave little girl. She has the power to turn storms to beautiful rainbows, words to wonderful stories, and tears to smiles. She was a fighter and a warrior from the beginning. She stopped walking with her hand in her chest. She looked up and closed her eyes, took a deep breath. As she exhaled, she started to walk again. This time, with a smile on her face hoping that tomorrow, the world would be more beautiful, because tomorrow is another day. Tomorrow is a new day to start loving again, to smile, to hear the music of the wind, to continue living, to keep the fire in her heart burning and to keep dreaming.

Maybe, tomorrow, someone will hold her hand and tell her that everything will be just fine. 

Maybe, tomorrow, someone will wipe her tears away. 

Maybe, tomorrow, she will not be alone anymore.

Maybe, tomorrow, she will know herself enough to know that she doesn’t need anybody, she is strong, she is beautiful. 

Photo credit: http://il9.picdn.net/shutterstock/videos/10185533/thumb/9.jpg?i10c=img.resize(height:160)

Black Dress

 

 

black-dressI saw a little girl walking in the field, grass turning green and butterflies flying everywhere.The leaves swayed with the music of the wind, the warm sunlight streamed and touched her red cheeks.

The little girl was wearing a black dress made with silk. She beautifully fixed the pleats of her dress with poise. She used to be a little girl full of big dreams. Her heart was filled with love that it overflows, and used to be the rainbow after the storm. But that day, it was different. The sunlight she brought to the lives of other people turned to a destructive storm, the glow that radiated in her body turned to a light that hurts your eyes and your whole body. She wasn’t the same, little happy girl anymore. The storm and rain destroyed her. She stopped wearing the best accessory she can ever have, her beautiful smile. she forgot about the rainbows, sunshine and beautiful endings. She felt that life took the beautiful things away from her. From that moment, she promised herself to wear black everyday.

Nights passed and sun started to shine again. The little girl walked in the same field, still in her black dress. It was a beautiful day, as always. The clouds moved with the rhythm and the birds chirping was like music to the ears, the flowers started to bloom again. She noticed the sunlight that streamed to her black dress made with silk. when the light reached her dress, it shined. She looked up and saw the clouds, the birds flying with the wind and felt the gush of wind in her delicate skin. She saw the sunlight stream through her eyes and touched her cheeks. She exhaled and continued to walk, wearing the best accessory, her beautiful smile.

The little girl realized that even if she chose to wear black, the universe,the world still made her shine. She shined in her darkest moments, She shined because she was designed to shine and to be beautiful in pain.

Maybe, the little girl won’t wear bright colored dresses again.

Maybe, the little girl won’t remember the rainbows.

Maybe, the little girl accepted that some things changed, but this doesn’t mean she is less beautiful.

Maybe, the little girl chooses to start a new story with her heart braver than ever.

 

Photo Credit: https://s-media-cache ak0.pinimg.com/236x/ec/56/e6/ec56e6443b984f9873deb025bc6981cb.jpg

A letter to my future love

I promise to hold your hand when you feel anxious, scared or sad. I will be the sunshine that will give you light and hope to your sad days. You will be my rainbow, my moonlight, my star. I promise to provide and give you a beautiful home, to create a home with a strong foundation and fill it with love and hope. I promise to give you tight hugs, to take care and love you all the days of my life. My love, you don’t know how much I prayed and wished for this day to come, finally starting at your eyes that shines like a star during night time, that finally I have someone’s hand to hold, finally have shoulders to cry on and someone to call my “one true love” because love, you are God’s gift to me. I can imagine closing my eyes, lifting my hand and worshiping Jesus with the man I love, to have a man who loves God more than he loves me- that was just a dream before, but now that dream turned to reality.

Thank you for giving me the kind of love I deserve, the kind of love God always wanted me to feel and have.

To be honest, loving me will be a long and hard journey, you will experience sad and happy days, but one thing is for sure, I love you and I will always love you.

I am excited to hear your beautiful stories, to know your kind of art, to learn your music, to travel and explore things with you.  But for now, I’m just nineteen and I think I’m not yet ready to meet or have you in my life. I’m still a work in progress, discovering my gifts, exploring things on my own, doing my craft- being the best person for you and for Jesus.

I want you to know that I am always praying to Jesus that he will guide you and help you with your decisions, that he would heal your wounds, that he would wipe your tears. I hope you are living your life to the fullest. Please always remember that I am praying for you.

I can’t wait to be a big part of your life.

Lots of Love,
Lala

Rain, rain don’t go away

Hello Everyone! It’s been almost 100 years since my last blog post, (I’m sorry because you know, school stuff.) I just want to share my masterpiece for this week, especially made for our HUGOurmeT event this Saturday, October 22. I’m not good in writing using Filipino language,buuuut I tried my best to come up with this work.

I would like to thank the rain and the gloomy weather for helping me write this. Ha ha! I still feel weird because I love the rain so much, as much as I love the sun. There’s no in between. Okay. Ang daldal ko nanaman.

Hope you guys like it!

 

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Essentials

Hello Everyone! It’s been almost 10 years since my last blog post. Ha ha! I’ve been busy with family responsibilities, school works, thesis, catering functions, short film projects etc. sounds stressful right? I know that college life can be really stressful (especially if you want to balance social life and academics. Believe me, it’s hard) so I’ve decided to write this article to help you guys organize your schedule, activities, files, bag and your life! Enjoy!

1. Keep a small notebook for your to-do list.

3 weeks ago, I bought a cute little notebook from papemelroti for my “to-do list.” This helped me track my progress in doing school works and it’s so cute that I can carry it everywhere I go. Ever since I started listing down my school to do list, I finished everything on time. I also have the feeling of fulfillment whenever I put a checkmark in the litol boxes. I encourage you to buy or look for a handy, small notebook that you can put in your purse or tote bag.

I chose this notebook so that I will be reminded to “Do all things with love.” I believe that love makes everything beautiful and wonderful. Do I sound cheesy weezy already?

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Small Colored Notebook, Php. 28.00, Papemelroti

2. Have a pouch for your phone accessories.

I find this useful! I know the struggle of having a big bag and not being able to look for your phone (especially when you badly need it. Yikes!) And that inspired me to buy a pouch for my phone’s needs. I’ll tell you a secret, I hate seeing charging cables and earphones cluttered in my bag. It just annoys me. So I found the perfect pretty pouch that can fit my charging cable, power bank, earphones and my phone! Say goodbye to “where-is-my-phone haggard look”!

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Pink Envelope Pouch, H&M

3. Buy your makeup/kikay bag.

I know it sounds maarte, but if you have your everyday make up needs. YOU SHOULD HAVE THIS. I REPEAT. YOU SHOULD. I am not a fan of make up but I always bring my cleanser, moisturizer, lip balm, hand lotion, wipes etc, and it just eats up too much space in my bag, and it looks… la la la la. When this pouch was given to me, it saved my bag from future la la la moments. (Thanks Rachey for this pouch!) The advantage of having this pouch is you can bring with you in washroom breaks, touch up moments and it makes your life easier because you can easily find it in your bag. No more kalkal moments, Yay!

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Small Pastel Pouch, Typo

4. Track your expenses.

Remember the moment when you ran out of cash because of overspending? When you wanted to hang out with your friends but you don’t have enough money? Been there, done that. Love, trust me. I know how it feels. And that became my motivation to keep a list of my expenses. At first, it was hard because I have to list the teeny bit gastos I make. At least I don’t have to deal with “Where did all my money went?” drama. It also inspired me to cut down my expenses because I can see where I spend my allowance, and sad to say I usually spend it for wants more than needs. I suggest that you keep a cute notebook or just put in your note app, then add them up at the end of the week. Sometimes, my total expense would be higher than my allowance. Sounds weird, right?

5. Don’t forget to smile

Because when things don’t go as planned or organized, you just have to smile! (That includes when you have an unpredictable schedule, messy files and bag!)

So guys, hope this helped you a lot! Enjoy school!

Lots of Love,
Lala